i'm finally happy with where i am right now.

i have my priorities straight and i dont need any additional distractions.

happy about spring break! going up to montreal to see brooxie and sonita! yay for old friends and legal drinking! then maybe down to boston to see sammmie and nyc to see mi madre. spring break in the snow part deux

This entry is going to be a long rant. Since, well, I have a lot to say.

This summer, full of its incredible highs and lows, lacked one thing -- regret. Overall, it was one of the best summers i've ever had, perhaps the best summer since my general lack of motivation prevents me from pursuing my interests. i went there for the children and stayed for the people ive met. <<crowd goes aww>>.

The depressions of first session pulled me into bitter antagonism toward the brutal hellions that was Skano (my cabin). Bug spray in my eyes and cootchie spray in my hair earned me many notes of sympathy and encouragement. More than often, my human, selfish part hated 7 out of 8 of my girls; pity washed out of the shores of Kiwago after they punched me and send my co counselor to the hospital (who they actually liked more than me). I actually don't recall that much from first session other than the constant frustration with being disrespected and protecting Letya from unabandoned torture. Like the limb-tearing of the daddy-long legs, the "kids," who have had more sexual partners than me ,were plucking away at my sanity, slowly and painfully. Finally, 4 days before the sesion ended, the worst girl, was sent home. Honestly, the only thing I learned first session was that some things in life, even children, cannot be saved. As harsh as that seems, I am actually making a reasonable conclusion if a girl had spit at you and you had no means of defending yourself because you knew they had history of sexual abuse and didn't want to touch them. There are millions of children in the world in need of love, support and encouragement--why waste my time with these ones? And so it goes.

 ok so that was the bitching session. First night out, what a night--my first lesbian make-out, my first 3-some make-out--bonding like no other. We anticipated an orgy at the end of the summer; though that didn't happen, i found something so much greater...an actual relationship. That's it. Fun times up at red cloud. First break w/ the crew in NYC was amazing. Drunk from dawn to dusk, holding hands in Central Park during a torrential thunderstorn and listening to the Ben folds concert outside since we couldnt sneak in, rain storms galore and shopping down broadway, walking all the way from 18th street bar to our hotel on 42nd drunk, unabated sexual harassment to match the sexual tension, indian food and chinese all you can eat, hotel pennsylvania, piggy back riding, free porno on the tv and 4 couples hooking up in the same room...it was absolutely incredible. god, i miss it.

Second session was amazing. I downgraded to younger girls (9-10) as opposed to 11-12. They were sweet...whiney as hell, but easier to control and god knows that first session was a test and if i could get through it with some spirit left, i would be blessed with better children. The best day of camp happened second session when a torrential rain storm drowned the camp into cabin lockdown. instead, we all jumped into the lake, which was surprisingly warm, went mudsliding and jumped into puddles like we were 10 years old. God, regressing into nature and childhood...that's true happiness.

second break....mmmmm...i can't even put into words how i felt, something i had never felt before. First i should mention that i "pulled," which is brit for hooked up with an english guy whom i liked, but it wasn't just hooking up. However, how do u define something that would only last for 1.5 months? We got really close just hanging out and we dated as much as dating is possible at camp. i mean, i was really happy with him. So he got a hotel in nyc (oooh) and i met up with him, just me and him in nyc...how much more romantic could it get? we had a picnic in central park..mmm..pda...went shopping like mad, wandered aimlessly, saw a bunch of movies, and held hands all the way. ...i really miss him. well..gosh, that was the best break ever..just me and him..together..without the drama of camp nonsense and kids...what i wouldnt give to be in his arms one more time...stupid brits..why do they have to live so far away?!?! ...must save money for a trip to england to meet up with my fitbit.

third session was a godsend..my kids were amazing..even better than last session...fuckin' adorable, easy bunch of kids..i hardly put any effort and they were so well-behaved that i took random naps during the day without having to supervise them...it was the best session and they made me laugh all the time...aww norma! i miss that one..and kenlly, natalie, kandace, kima..all great, really great kids..for every christina and janell (hell children), there are some that just make ur heart heal and melt at the same time.

To put it simply, the people i've met at camp are the most amazing people i have ever met in my life. i mean, who in their right mind would work for homeless kids/foster kids who clearly have many difficult issues and unleash their accumulated anger on you for around 43 cents an hour at an underappreciated and benefit-lacking job? the kids wouldnt even appreciate what you were doing..you would wake up a 3 am to clean up their pissy sheets, serve them meals first and they would get 3 servings before you get your first, be disrespected and still give them love and affection. But I never went a day without laughing my ass off or getting incredible hugs from the staff. and for everyday i wanted to cry and leave, there was someone there who just smiled and told me it was going to be okay. i love you guys, you know who you are. no one would ever understand this experience, not in words, and i know i am going off on a corny tangent of emotions, but man, i love you guys.

last day, i had to say goodbye to kev <3, flo and alex..the hot foreign boys, as they liked to call themselves. that might have been the hardest goodbyes...to the canadians, sonita, jake, dan and james, fuckin' funny, amazing people, i love and miss you guys, corey, meagan, kristen, tom, kate, becky, kat, charlie "i fucked your grandma", katie b, josephe, delll and everyone else, i love you guys, truly, and thank you for an amazing summer.

i can end it now?

First session....oh the stories

My cabin was the absolute WORST girl cabin...I have been punched, slapped, grabbed, spat at in the face, called a "fuckin' chinese/white bitch," bitten, mp3 player broken, clothes stolen by my kids who hated me for no reason except that i was nice, been threatened with death, had bug spray sprayed in my face, feminine deodorant spray sprayed in my hair, had to clean pissy sheets at 3 am in the morning, been called ever name in the book from a "stupid fuckin' whore" to "worthless piece of shit", scratched, cussed out etc al.

I'm not sure what to think. I have never been so mistreated and disrespected in my life by doing something that had nothing but good intentions behind it. It's absurd to me to think how there is no way to defend myself--my job is to suck it up, smile and still serve them dinner first. By day 4, i was completely drained, emotionally and physically. Instead of feeling pity for the kids and contemplating why they are so nasty and brutal, I simply became numb because there is nothing else you could do. If this experience has taught me anything it is that YOU CANNOT SAVE EVERYONE. and some people, such as two of the nastiest girls ever existed on the face of this earth with no sign of kindness or compassion, just don't deserve it.

However, I loved everyone that wasn't in my cabin. Only 2 girls in my cabin did not deserve a beating. Isn't that horrible? If you knew what I went through, you'd be surprised that I didn't suffocate them in their sleep.

But, I am going back for session 2. I asked to be changed to the youngest girls (I worked with 11-12 yr old girls who have had multiple sexual partners), so it might be easier to deal with the whininess instead of bitchiness and attitude. I love the people there tho. In the end, it may or may not be worth it. I'm thinking about leaving early, but I'm not sure yet. I feel like i've done this forever. Time to get some booze.

Like sonita said...its time to get paid and laid.

Like a true masochist, I am going back to Kiwago this year. I could've gotten the standard job, volunteered a bit, or took classes, but Long Island is STILL Long Island and perfect suburbias never make for exciting summers.

I've had a lot of fun being home...waking up at obscene hours in the afternoon, sleeping at dawn, absurd amounts of shopping...*orgasm sound*..., Manhattan--my first love-- nearly every week, a permanent spot at starbucks and Dunken Donuts with my girls, and seeing a bunch of my CMU buddies. But alas, I am saying goodbye to this home, and moving on to the vast wilderness of *gasp* UPSTATE NY!!

The camp is *extra* stressful for a variety of reasons, so Please Write To Me!! Letters and phone calls will keep me sane (especially on my birthday ). Here's my summer info:

Jennifer Chou
Camp Kiwago
Upper Twin Lake, UT-1
Central Valley, NY 10917

**or call** (try my cell first...if it doesnt work..call below)
(845) 928-9898
(845) 928-9866

I rarely will have access to my computer (and coming from CMU, this is just unfathomable) and i will be gone for about three months. So to all my friends....stay cool  like me .

Hope to hear from you soon!

(oh, leave your addy if you want me to write to you first)

Currently Watching Chappelle's Show - Season 1 By David Chappelle see related